I am so sorry you are going through this. Please get the idea of hurting your baby or yourself out of your mind. Things will get better, and if your husband continues to have this behavior, you can always find a different situation. I am glad you have at least thought of therapy. You can call around to community services and referral or a similar place. Keep calling and you will eventually find help. When you can, think about getting your own job and having your own money. Get training if you need it. There is a bright future out there. Hugs.