Thanks for clarification. The way I understand how "being needy" is used, I would define it very loosely as needing others repeatedly in ways or to the extent that people in that culture find inappropriate for that person in that situation. So there is often a judgment involved. The judgment is in a way of the person being weak in some ways, but not the type that requires help, but weakness of will or something, almost a blaming of the person.

Just because we ask someone else to do things for us that we can do for ourselves can not mean we are needy. It has to be seen as inappropriate. How do we decide that? It's not clear, that's why some people can say you're being needy and others will disagree. It depends on your age, your life situation, your abilities, cultural beliefs, etc.

I've seen it often used in situations where someone is frustrated with another inability to do something that this other person thinks that person "should" do on her own. Especially if this person is asking you for help (or implying the need for help or inability to do something without help), you may be tempted to say: Stop being so needy! Just go to the doctor by yourself, take the bus, walk, whatever! Just because nobody is willing or able to give you a ride does not mean you can't go yourself.

Of course there is an added complication in that sometimes we ourselves define us as "needy." We don't even wait for society to label us (many times we are much harsher). We ask ourselves: Is it needy of me to call my therapist again? Am I needy for coming to this forum and asking people's opinion on dating life? Am I needy for telling my girlfriend to drop by on Sunday cause I'm feeling lonely?

Sorry if unclear, this is just off the top of my head, don't have an exact definition. But I don't like the label either way, whether you apply to yourself or others do.