The therapist one time told me she was not as kind to me anymore as she used to be. And I was surprised. I experience her as somewhat closer to kind now than I did when she thought she was being that way. I don't particularly find her kind now, just less not kind as before. The therapist seemed surprised I had not found her to be kind.

My mother used to tell me how hard she tried and how it was never enough for me or how I was never appreciative of her efforts. But to me her efforts were awful - I did not want what she was offering. I even, one time in an extremely exasperated state, told her (which was a bad plan) just to stop - it was not making her happy and it was not worth it. I did not want it. It was a bad plan to say that aloud -but I did mean it. I felt more burdened by her misguided efforts.