Idk....I struggle with a fear of being needy to the point where I think I've cut off my needs from my awareness half the time lol

I think intellectually though I know I have needs. I need help sometimes like maybe someone to talk to....or maybe just some comfort. I don't need it like I'll die without it....but it affects my quality of life when I try to do it all on my own.

But my neediness from my past pain is horrible. That neediness is that which I hate and push away. It's a pain so deep.......a childlike need. Like crying out for help...a sense of helplessness. It's not in the here-and-now....that's the stuff I'm not sure how to resolve and fear it may never go away