This worked unbelievably well with my daughter around ages 4 and 5, she's 6 now and I still do it.

She did things to annoy me, purposely, like in the car repeatedly kicking the back of the seat. She interrupted adults conversations just to get attention, just to say "I love you mommy!" She would also throw things and break things just for fun.

My friend told me something she learned in therapy with her kids. Calmly and assertively announce: the rule is, we do not kick the seat. The rule is, say excuse me when you want to speak while others are speaking. The rule is, we do not throw things in here.

And provide ways that she could kick and throw and scream to her hearts content. Outside with rubber balls, jump ropes, and acting loud and silly.

Give her an outlet for her aggression. Give her rules calmly without room for argument. Praise freely. "You know the rule, good job!" "You know you can kick the ball when you feel angry!"

It sounded too simple but it really did work. I only had to repeat "the rule is. . ." About 3 times, and it made a huge difference. I stayed calm giving her less reason to act out. She calmed down when she got more praise for doing good things and didn't feel like acting out as often.

You're doing a wonderful thing for your friend and her child, but are either of you in therapy or getting support?

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