I understand how you feel, my mother too was abusive in all the ways you wouldn't expect a parent to be. It can hurt more than words can describe. I had a therapist tell that I could write her a letter explaining how I felt, but I didnt have to mail it. I did that and it seemed to help. I know kind words and well intentions cant erase what has happened but you have to stay strong for yourself. I hope you feel better soon.