A definition is not necessarily pejorative just because we don't like it? It is just a definition! We are more than just our behaviors, just our thoughts, just our feelings. I was in therapy to put all those things together. One cannot fix a behavior that bothers us by ignoring it or denying it exists. One has to see it and decide one wants to change it, recognize it for what it is and come up with a plan, just like for any problem/change desired. People who are truly "needy" do not recognize it. That we want comfort, help, etc. is not neediness. Everyone wants/needs those things from others. But if we do not understand, if we are ignorant (which most people do not like hearing they may be, either) of how something works, we want to learn?

So, being told we are needy is a good thing, we should jump on it and see if we can see what that means to the person telling us we are, if we care about and respect that person. But just categorically denying we are or will be or want to be near neediness does not move us forward. Focusing on something we are not or do not have a problem with, wastes time when we could be focusing on something that could help us become a better person/Self? Holding ourselves away from a situation does not help us anymore than being overwhelmed by a situation but at least the person overwhelmed gets some experience with the actual situation and, with help, can extricate themselves and next situation be that much wiser. Willful ignorance is no better than neediness. Refusing to jump in the water because the water wings don't match the color of your bathing suit and look well on you. . . you can't ever learn to swim. If we do thing poorly at the beginning, that's because we are beginners, which is not a negative!