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healingme4me · Sep 14, 2014 at 10:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jimmy rich

At about 7, I wanted very badly to sui and saw it as the only way out but couldn't think of a painless or quick way to do it!
By the way, do you think that any parent ever reads these writings and LEARNS anything of value from it? I often feel like it's completely useless to put these words out there since there already is a TON of parenting info out there yet kids seem to be getting no benefits whatsoever from any of it.
Yes, it's hard to vent and let go of anger which is our - ooops - my most basic, natural defense mechanism but I am trying to let it go as much as possible.

Ouch! That must have been quite challenging for you, based on your own past traumas. I now believe that my parents were deeply disappointed and upset with me since I was not very healthy at birth and not as pleasant and easy as their 1st child plus I was NOT the little girl that my parents dearly wanted! Their own nasty pasts must have played a part in how they unhappily dealt with me. I don't know if I was "colicky" but I was told that I had a lot of health problems in the beginning!

Our mom found a support group at the Mormon church so dad up and left! But with him out of the picture, many things got way better in our family and she became a much better role model for us kids but, my brother and I were in our middle teens so most of the damage was already done and not much of mom's better modeling effected us. Our best "role model" was our uncle, mom's brother.

I am very happy for you and your kids.
It sure would have helped me. Can't speak for my siblings who are both parents and I suspect that they have put it all behind them with DENIAL so our parents, parenting and ugly past is rarely mentioned. I suppose if I had been a parent, I might want to hide behind Denial as well and just pretend that I'm A-OK now - even if I'm not. Oh well.....there might come a time when my siblings want to vent their bottled up, inner pain - maybe in another lifetime.

healingme4me, I respect and appreciate your post and the wisdom contained in it

and hope some struggling parent reads it and gains a few insights into how to improve their own family.
Respectfully yours,
jimmy rich

I can only hope learning happens. Thanks for understanding that there are those out there trying, despite their pasts. Maybe it's the compassion for others and doing what we can, to not create in children those feelings, we ourselves experienced. My exh, was sent off to live with an uncle for a couple of years, when he was 8. He was from a family of 11. I'm sure, it impacted him. He was, at least with his oldest teen brother, but it hurts, a child, when they feel shunned from their mom. (Dads too,) I suspect they had many talks, in his young adulthood. He doesn't delve into books and articles on parenting, and many of his and my struggling surrounded past based fears. He tries, however. Admits his own limitations, where these kids are concerned, It's important that, at least on that level, despite the marriage not working, he and I are on a similar page. I understood some loving behavior towards kids, my childhood wasn't completely devoid. I've needed to address the push over parenting angle and then some. I was before kids, intellectually understanding my past, and moved into a recovery of sorts.
I have this friend from childhood, emancipated from the state foster system during hs. Educator, great mom, she gets all this...