It sounds like your very mean to your self. I beat my self up too but you beat me on that one. I wont lie to you and say things are gonna get better, but things can always change. Apparently we have to change our thinking pattern but that seems impossible for me also. I quite often feel things wont get better to. All i can say is i hope things will get better for you. Going to the gym really does release endorthins which make people feel happier but it takes a longer time than a week to notice. I dont think over loading you with medication is not doing you good either.
Hugs