I told my T that my daughter and I cannot forgive her abuser because he insists he never did anything. He insists she is making it up and that he is not guilty. He will never apologize or accept fault. How can I forgive him?

T said holding on to the anger was only hurting me. He is not aware of my intense feelings. He is not capable of being touched by the hatred and intense anger that I carry within me. He is oblivious. And I am becoming more and more ill because of my feelings.

T said she could not "make" me forgive, until I am ready it will not happen. I can acknowledge his wrong even if he can't. I can acknowledge my child's pain even if he won't. I can grieve for the loss of my child's innocence and accept that it was not all my fault. And when I release all the curdled feelings inside me I won't have to suffer anymore, then I can work towards forgiving myself for not knowing and not protecting her, and eventually I can forgive him too.

It's not easy but I see that she is right. I have a long road to travel. There may not be forgiveness at the end of it, but there has been relief on the road.

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