Trust. We've been talking about it in session for a while. Sometimes I think she is more worried about it than me. I have trust issues inside of and outside of therapy.. just all over the place. lol

Lucky for me, impulsiveness is another issue. This week, after getting through some major revealing last session, I decided to impulsively trust her. So I spilled the major major thing that I have held back from every other T. It was the hardest thing I ever did. I felt like I HAD to, it felt like a need to get it out there. It was as if it was a huge presence in the room, visible only to me. It was in the way.

I told her I had to tell her something. Long silence which is okay. I like silences. They're peacefull sometimes. It took some writhing, wrestling, eye closing, heaving sighs, but I finally got it out.

I've always been afraid of not being believed. I told her that. Her first words after I was done were "I absolutely believe you."

Now everything major is out. Impulsiveness can be a good thing.

I had to turn to much lighter stuff then. We'll return to this, I know and that's okay. I can still say I don't want to talk about it if I want to or need to at that time. For now though, the monster has been identified and I don't have to try to hide, or hide from, this giagantic ogre any more.

It's like the game of "hot potato".
She's got the hot potato, now.

ECHOES