Realize now I have been bipolar since teenager. Also realize my dad was too. Still made as hell at him even though I understand better now. Being treated with Lexapro and Seroquel. Not quite ready to give up my highs but those black holes can go. Do not want to lose my job. Kinda freaked out. Seroquel knocks me out. VERY hard to get moving. I think I am in mixed mode right now so once I get moving I MOVE, but at the same time do not really care about anything including eating. Guess I do not get to keep the highs? Can they be controlled, keep the good parts? The highs have helped me get and keep jobs, til I lose my temper ... Rambling now aren't I? Oh, in my 50s now, diagnosed after 2nd huge major depression (black hole) been going into for ~1yr. Tried to hide it, self med it. PCMD started 5mg Lexapro, saw psychiatrist increased to 10mg added trazadone and I was manic in 48 hours. Stopped trazadone added Seroquel. This all since 19Aug. So now what happens? I am still all over the place.