Early bonding is so important and has a short time window. I'm sure you've heard that some mothers have post partum depression. The baby fails to bond and turns cold and angry. I went through this, so know it's true. My mother died when I was a baby and a series of uncaring relatives took over. In therapy, I have needed to regress to a very early stage and learn how to feel love, bonding, and intimacy. No way could I make myself feel these by criticizing myself and just trying.
It's difficult and scary but I'm learning through the Transference relation with my T. I started with the same coldness toward T and also a guilt for wishing her dead. But I went through those stages with her sympathy. These are difficult feelings to go through, but they repair the damage done in early life.