I saw you mention you already saw someone ( a Pdoc or gp ) I can only assume you didn't care for what they said ....

If your not happy with the way your acting in this relationship fix it . If you do love this man then get help for yourself. So that your more able to control your actions and have a healthy relationship. I'm not a doctor of course but maybe BPD could be part of this pull and push stuff. Just a thought.

Good luck