I'm really glad you're coming back and keeping this conversation alive, it's helping me so much too. I've never met anyone who seems to know so well what I've been thru too. The awkward feelings, the low self-esteem, wanting so much to break out of my shell, wishing I had a different personality (in my case, my old personality). I've done everything you mentioned. I know about the obsession of every waking minute analyzing myself and others, comparing, trying to find what's missing in me that others seem to have. The deep wanting to change, to be better, the up and down of motivation and misery. I understand bhugz. My heart is really going out to you. I'll try to tell what's worked and hasn't worked for me. I hope I can help some.
I need to be going to work right now. If you want to come back and add anything I will give you a bigger reply tonight. Hang in there my friend

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius