Meina,
Thank you. Playing dead is hard. We've got a lease together and I've allowed myself to sell all my big items (bed, pots, dishes, tv, etc). It's basically a marriage without to marriage law type ties. I know I can leave and I know I should. I know what or how he thinks is wrong. Despite no matter if I'm texting guys or hanging with guy friends he seriously doesn't care because he believes and trusts I'm not going to actually do anything. I guess that gets under my skin bad. And he thinks I should just deal with it and trust he isn't going to do anything at all to hurt me.
I've got many many past issues that keep me from having a "normal" mind/relationship but I'm trying. And if I have to focus only and all on me I will. I have been being distant lately and doing a lot of thinking. I've told him I need to think but not breaking up. So we will see how he handles this I guess.

Daycia