There are people left in my care. Three kids, two of whom are on the autism spectrum and need lots of my time and energy. I love them like I've never loved anyone or anything, but I am full of despair. I can't even set a daily goal and get anything accomplished a good deal of the time because I can't function. I've forgotten what personal goals are. I can't think straight and I'm exhausted and my body hurts all the time and I have a husband who has emotionally abandoned me. Not that I blame him entirely - I'm not much fun to be married to right now. I'm just hating on myself and life in general, unable to function and not seeing any changes in store...ever. It's a hopeless feeling. I should be happy but somewhere along the line I lost the ability to feel joy or self-fulfillment. I'm not sure that having them watch me systematically fail is what I want for them.