Quote:
Originally Posted by DogTired
There are people left in my care. Three kids, two of whom are on the autism spectrum and need lots of my time and energy. I love them like I've never loved anyone or anything, but I am full of despair. I can't even set a daily goal and get anything accomplished a good deal of the time because I can't function. I've forgotten what personal goals are. I can't think straight and I'm exhausted and my body hurts all the time and I have a husband who has emotionally abandoned me. Not that I blame him entirely - I'm not much fun to be married to right now. I'm just hating on myself and life in general, unable to function and not seeing any changes in store...ever. It's a hopeless feeling. I should be happy but somewhere along the line I lost the ability to feel joy or self-fulfillment. I'm not sure that having them watch me systematically fail is what I want for them.
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Now you're really hitting home with me! I have two left out of 5 to finish raising, both have ad/hd & one also has asie. Yes, it does take a toll on you! I'm a single mom. I go through the whole range of feelings you've listed. The closest thing to fulfillment I have these days is coming here to PC & trying to help & uplift someone else. I can't explain why, but those rare occasions when someone leaves me a message and lets me know that something I said made them feel better about themselves is the best feeling in the world to me! And when I first came here I was a miserable wreck, hoping someone here could "fix ME!" And they have, in more ways than I can count! Some by reaching out to me, others by allowing me to reach out to them. What I'm saying is, you never know where you may find your renewed hope, your new beginning, a new dream! Most likely it will be somewhere you would never expected to find it! But it's there somewhere, so just try to hold on until you find it!