HI Hoping for Best, I agree that finding a different situation would be your best bet. No one wants to hear that they are a bad wife, daughter in law, etc. I would try to find some kind of counseling, sometimes offered by the state that is pay what you can or else they go by your income! If you do not work, you have none.
I hope you feel better about your baby, you are right those are awful thoughts. But sometimes we can not help the way we feel. The baby in innocent. Maybe I should not suggest this but have you considered giving the baby up for adoption? It could be best for his or her life!
Good luck to you!!!