Thanks everyone for your kindness and support. It really means a lot to me.
Today I still feel like hell. My brain plotting against me. It is terrifying. I even have a plan to run from hospital (im on an open ward) and drowning myself in the ocean. Had a chat with a nurse and it helped calm me a bit. My family including nieces and nephews are visiting this arvo so they will be a good reminder as to ahhh I should keep fighting. I'm just scared that will all go out the window when I lose contact with that reality.
Thanks for reading. I just need to chat to someone ( my family don't really but do care about me) I am so thankful for all the support I have and feel so guilty feeling suicidal still. I want a brain transplant.