I've posted alot about this but it's really bothering me. What's better, having a friend that makes you feel like a worthless waste of space, or feeling worthless because you have no friends?

I've been having a really hard time lately my best friend died 9 years ago, I lost all of my other friends shortly after, I think it was just too hard to be together without her. I made a new friend, but she met this guy online who refused to meet me because he saw a text I sent wishing that I was dead. I was so hurt with the fact that my best friend could be with someone who treated me like that, and I couldn't let the pain go. She said I was a horrible friend because I told him how he made me feel (which I was told was not ok) and I wouldn't support her being with him. She said that she didn't know what to say to me and that she needed some time. That was months ago. Even though she made me feel worthless, I feel that I should beg her for forgiveness. Was I wrong? Am I a horrible person? Which is the better option?