Skies, thank you for this thread and the quote. I've also had to deal with parents who acted narcissistic towards me at times. I'm quite familiar with feelings of guilt and shame, with judgments (that I later on internalized and no longer needed parents for), with repressing my aggression and sexual urges and disowning them, with becoming so distant from myself that I felt I did not know who I was at all. I too am familiar with crushing panic attacks when I have sometimes gotten a glimpse of my true self coming out in therapy or in the most unexpected times. They were almost horrifying. Like ten panic attacks in one.
I'm sorry, I digress. My relationship with my various therapists has been similar to my relationship with my parents, as stated above. I've felt judged. I've felt ashamed and sometimes shamed. I've felt guilty, for being there, for taking their time, for having problems that are not big enough. When I've felt judged by a therapist, I've often taken that judgment (many times it was not meant as a judgment but suggestion to improve some situation) and multiplied it and applied it to myself. It's given me a sense of control and protection. This is like having parents who push you and since you don't feel like you stand up to them, you gain control of situation by punching yourself in the stomach! It's physically more painful but emotionally less so. Now you have the power. You're the one kicking yourself. Alas, this is not the solution. The real work is facing the emotional pain.
If I have to choose the biggest pattern about the way I related to my last therapist, the most common thread is my relationship with previous therapists, I'd say it's been about seeking approval. They're my parents once again, and once again, I try so hard at gaining their approval, fearful of their judgment, and preoccupied with their views. I make for a terrible client, sometimes I really feel sorry for my therapists. I make them into the worst side of my parents and constantly testing them and they have to keep playing this game with me.