Hi all. It's been a while since I've been here. I really need your help with something.

I know quite a lot of people find it difficult to talk in sessions with their therapist. And almost always, they can and do overcome it gradually, and start opening up the more time they've spent with their therapist.

But for me, this isn't the case. At all.

I find it very difficult to even talk normally to anyone. For example, my teachers at college - I can't even say goodbye to them at the end of the lesson, and I can only just about manage to answer the register.

In sessions, it's even worse. I hardly talk at all. Sometimes I give a nod or shake of my head. But that's it as far as communication goes. Yes, I write things down, but that can only go so far. I would love to be able to talk to my counsellor and tell her everything via speech.
I had a session today in which I really needed help from her, and she was prepared to give it, but she needed me to answer her questions. I couldn't even nod or shake my head today. I couldn't point at a number when she asked how anxious I've felt over the last 2 weeks.

This is pretty 'normal' to me. I've lived with it and dealt with it and suffered from it for years. I've had about 20 sessions with my counsellor so far. I will have to stop by the time I turn 18 in November, and I will, by then, be referred to an adult service. For me, it hasn't mattered whether I've known the person for 2 sessions, 10 sessions, or 20 sessions. I still find it excruciatingly difficult to talk.

I was wondering if anyone knew anything about this or if anyone has any insight or opinions, or if you've experienced it yourself. I don't want people just saying to me: 'oh well, you just need to wait, you'll be able to talk easier after you get to know her more, give it time'. That will not help me. It is demoralising.

So...if anyone has anything to say on this matter, please do. Thank you.