So I'm 35 I got 4 kids and have thought for last ten years that I might be bipolar but to scared to get checked... I love it when I'm going thru a mania I feel sexy energetic on top of the world.. I'm the best at my job I can b awesome mom have entire place clean and am over the top happy with life... Then I go through normal stages where house is disorganized I need help catching up with laundry groceries but livable I go to work get kids ready I do what needs to b done. Then I go through low phases and then the house is totally upside down I don't get out of bed I'm not sucidal but keep getting sucidal thoughts but id never do it. Now I quit my job and feel like I'm failing my family and not sure what I'm going to do. I wish another bout of mania would set in:/

My mother was sucidal all the time and seen a phycitrst but I'm not sure what she was diagnosed with I was 16 when she OD