I feel my life tearing part at the seams. I found out my "friends" mock me behind my back for having mental health issues so I've stopped hanging out with them and I'm so lonely. I get anxious about time moving forward and the fact that I'm working three jobs (one is inconsistent) but still not making enough to build up a real amount of money. The flashbacks are daily and the topic of CSA has completely hijacked my mind. I can't get it off of my mind and I find myself drinking to just be at peace with the thoughts. I can't drink them away but I can drink until I don't care about them. I know this is a serious problem.

My old school T's supervisor ruined the promising setup I had with an intern here. She thinks I need to prioritize meeting someone twice a week over working with someone who actually works well with me. I didn't even ask to meet with someone twice a week. She just decided that. So she moved me to a different intern and I hate her. She asked me to talk about trauma within 15 mins of meeting her. I refused but I'm still upset that she would be so dumb as to try to ask me to do that. I don't know if I can switch again. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

I feel lost and drowning in my memories. I just want this to stop but I doubt it will. I know I need to hold on because every September is rough for me and I'm not allowed to mess up again. LCM helps.