Ugh, I hate playing side effect roulette. Best advice on that is be as open and honest with you doc about your side effects and what parts of your personhood you are not willing to compromise on.

As to the rest of it, I feel you there as well. Depression is a real jerk and bully, he saps you of everything you have and makes you feel like nothing is ever good enough. I am also amazed at the cognitive dissonance I live with. I have a wonderful life but there are times when just getting out of bed feels like a wasted effort.

Best I can say is keep fighting kick that jerk in the nuts it will slow him down for a little bit. I have actually told mine to f**** off before