Hi SadAndEmpty, it sounds like you've been through/are going through a lot and there's no "shame" whatsoever in saying you're exhausted
And still, a lot of responsibilities, a lot of having to be in control, a lot of time spent focusing on others, a lot of feeling like you have to keep it together/be there for everyone??
But maybe in some of those meetings for your children you could be saying a little more about how hard/stressful it might be at times?? And in no way should anyone be thinking that you're "incapable" or "a bad mother", it should more be about them supporting you in finding different ways or resources to be supporting them. Just ask them to work with you in x, y or z, if you haven't already, hey??
And if we're talking some "challenging behaviours" or difficulties with communication then maybe you'll find some stuff online to help.............e.g. "gentle teaching" might help or.......anyway come back to me on that if you want.
Any family who could give you a bit of a break though..........just to get out/away a bit more?? Or even your husband taking more responsibilities??? I'm guessing you're thinking you haven't even got the energy to get out (??) but even for a bit of a walk/somewhere not far away??
But your husband..........if it's effects from living with the alcoholism, or worries about him maintaining his sobriety (however long he's been sober)??? First stop your T, but maybe contacting AlAnon might help a little??? I know, more appointments or more phone calls!!! But maybe worth a try???
But don't forget, you may be a wife and a mother but you're still you too!! So try to make some time for yourself wherever you can, and by the sounds of it maybe try a few more "No"'s or "I can't"'s, just a few??
You really have to put yourself first, at times, you have enough to cope with, right??!!
You shouldn't have to do all of this, almost feeling like you're on your own. But you have us too, so don't forget that either, OK??

Alison