I really feel for your situation. I can only say that for years I kept clinging on to the relationships with my mum and dad (who are divorced) and I now know that I was looking, as all children do, for their approval, love and acceptance. Finally I'm getting near to 50 (and have had over twenty years of ill health because of this) and it's taken this long for me to really accept that they are caught up in their own perceptions and beliefs and ultimately they put their needs before mine and I can't change the fact that my needs weren't met and that I've struggled greatly because of this.

What I've found helpful over the past year especially and what may work for you too - is learning about how to be assertive and also how to set boundaries - so that as an adult you assert your right to set limits on time that you are in conversation. You don't have to explain all your reasoning to your mum - a therapist explained to me that it's really important to be able to keep yourself psychologically safe with whom you disclose things to.

Also because I've wanted to try and understand more about what happened I've read material about emotional abuse and emotional neglect including manipulation and control (and C-PTSD), which you might find helps shed some light on things.

But most of all I would say that healing begins by being really kind to yourself.