If your nephrotic lupus can be documented for at least two years, you might qualify for social security disability or supplemental security income (depending on your past work history.) You might also qualify for other benefits that could help you support yourself. But you can get these disability payments while you're married and being supported by your husband, so looking into it and applying ASAP would be in your best interest. It is often a lengthy process to qualify and the first application may be turned down, but accepted on appeal. This would give you a modicum of financial independence and security.

Your family situation sounds highly stressful, something that is not good for a lupus patient. I have lupus, too. Kidney involved lupus can be very dangerous. Although this may sound selfish, taking care of your health is really your first priority because if you get really ill or become an invalid, you will not be able to function as the type of mother or wife you'd like to be.

Marriage counseling sounds vital. I hope your husband will agree. If you have medical insurance, it should pay for some therapy sessions. The school system may offer some counseling and special education services to your step-daughter that might help her behavior. Her teacher can tell you how to tap into these resources.

And your mother. I'm an older woman and I can put myself in your mother's shoes, imagining if my daughter, her husband and three kids were living with me. I can understand why she's getting riled up. She may be at an age when she thought she wouldn't have her daily life disrupted by the antics of a girl reaching her teen years, one who is especially difficult, with you and your husband arguing about it regularly. She could be very tired and feeling quite abused and used by the family situation. Because you're the one in the family she's closest to, you're the one she'll complain to when she's upset. Talking with your mother and finding out how you can give each other emotional support in this difficult situation is important.

I don't know if it's a good idea to stay the course or to seek a separation. It's a big move. But maybe the first place to start is by applying for social security disability for your nephrotic lupus.

Disability Planner: How You Apply