I remember life before depression. Happy memories of family, children, parents before they passed away. I have had those moments when it looks like nothing will ever get better. The pain and darkness is so bad. But there has to be a way to overcome. I could not afford a psychiatrist and therapist. My medical doc prescribed my antidepressant, wellbutrin. The psychiatrist started me on this but I had to stop seeing the psychiatrist due to lack of funds and terrible health insurance. I bought a book on CBT. Just started reading it. I do a lot of praying. At least I found some calm for now.

I don't know if any of the above helps. I hope you find some peace.