For a long time I've been having extreme anxiety when it comes to just getting one persons attention. Like, I'm feeling so much of a rush of panic, I can't even get up in the morning to walk out and go to the basement without feeling I can't get past my grandmother without her making social confrontation. Every morning I wake up and getting ready I fear what to do with just stepping out of my room because I know my grandma will likely talk to me and it scares me because I can't get the thoughts she's going to talk behind my back about me our judge me and find ways to keep manipulating me.

After I get to the basement that, where I'll stay until I might get called up to dinner and I start getting anxiety then because I feel like I'm going to get stared at or afterwards, told to do work she knows I don't like to do.

I just keep thinking the worst and am having a hard time believing if I should even belong there. I feel so lost and hopeless that I'll never be able to cope with the fear of society again.