So supposed to meet with a therapist about this since its the only thing I know of currently aside from the CBT I have been trying to no avail that is available through medicaid I have access to attempt to adress PTSD. I suppose I am just hoping if the therapist determines I am not in a good place to jump into this therapy(since what I read about it says it can be to triggering and too much for some people if they are too unstable or whatever) so just hope they wouldn't ignore signs it could backfire just to get another client so they get paid more or whatever.

I just don't want to end up attempting this therapy if it will cause too much stress or increase of symptoms..and not sure I can trust the therapist to be honest about if it sounds like a good thing for me or not. Last therapist I have been going to is absolutely useless aside from setting up this appointment which I will maybe still bother going to but maybe not depending on if I get to anxious at the last minute or not, except will have to make 'the last minute' the day before so I can cancel 24 hours in advance if I decide to do that.

I mean past week it has not been an issue, but maybe just too distracted but I have been having issues with suicidal thoughts and probably should not do anything even therapy that would trigger anything like that...I don't know I suppose I am unsure. Thinking its most likely it just won't help and I will get annoyed and quit...but worried it could also just make things worse or force too much up to the front of my mind that I can't deal with at once guess one concern is a lot of times stress can trigger suicidal thoughts for me so being overhwhelmed with it is not a safe thing...Skeptical it would actually help anything though.