I admire that you were able to write this and you worded it so perfectly. I can relate, as my T and I are only a few years more apart than you, we have a lot in common, are protective of each other and just yeah. So, I have found myself loosely saying (to myself) "... but she's my best friend..." And, of course, I immediately tell myself no - she's not. The truth is, I have two very imperfect real best friends who will be there when she leaves and I have to force myself to be cognizant of that fact. Still, like you, it's a struggle to want to be with people who so openly suck compared to the perfect person in a box experience you get with T. I'm sorry to hear that you are still struggling though time has passed and understand that has to be tough. I hope things get better for you and that you're able to find some imperfectly perfect but true friends who can be there for you, love you, and support you like you deserve.