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Originally Posted by Rose76
It does sound like she has some significant emotional problem. Actually, you both behaved badly. (I think you are slightly minimizing your contribution to the fracas.) You sound like the more rational one.
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Yes, her Dad did tell me that in the past she has suffered from Depression & had some kind of 'episode' shortly after that.
I hold my hands up to lashing out, there was never any denial in that - but I believe I acted in self defence because she was choking me for a second time at that point.
I am the more reasonable one & I actually can't believe how stubborn & bitter she is being. It's just not her usual loving, kind, caring & happy self so that's what makes it even the more confusing to me.
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Originally Posted by Rose76
You are very right to be seriously concerned about what kind of a partner she'd be. The mean treatment of a puppy is very worrisome also in the context of what you say.
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I just want what is best for her. I couldn't believe it when she said that the technique to stopping the puppy from playfully nipping was to hit him on the nose, that is just wrong. I did say that a simple 'no' would be sufficient but she just shrugged and said what do you know about looking after dogs.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76
Apparently she is under a lot of stress in her role of caretaking her granny and is angry and resentful about what she is doing for her. That doesn't justify what she did. It does suggest that she is not mature about how to manage a difficult situation.
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Normally she is very mature for her age but yes I agree with you that when it comes to looking after her gran, that is something she isn't capable of managing well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76
It also sounds like the two of you don't really confide in each other well. Or, I should say, she does not open up to you about what is bothering her. You do mean a lot to her, or she wouldn't have gotten upset about you leaving.
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I agree that she isn't very good at opening up to me about things but I did say to her that she could have just told me about her gran maybe early on in the evening if it or something was bothering her so much, that would have prevented this whole mess.
Yes, I know just how much she loves me - she makes that very clear. She has said that I'm the love of her life, soul-mate, best friend & her everything - that was lovely & she means exactly the same to me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76
You need to keep a distance from her, so that she realizes she has to make amends in some way to patch things up.
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Yes, I believe space will help both of us (more so her) reflect on the situation & to be able to come up with a solution.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76
You're not going to be able to push her into counseling. Sounds like she is real resistant to advice. So: make yourself scarce.
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I believe she has to want to get help before she can even consider going, there's no point doing it if your heart isn't in it.
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Originally Posted by Rose76
Let her know that, if this is what she has to offer, then you don't need to be around her. That may be the only way to get her to take a look at her behavior.
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I don't deserve to be assaulted at all never mind choked & I will be telling her this because at the moment she is pretty much shifting
all the blame onto me which is very unfair.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76
She is testing you to see what she can get away with. Be careful what precedents you set. You don't want a lifetime of these kind of blowups.
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Well she can't get away with this, there has to be consequences for her actions. By that I mean that I will tell her that if she wants to remain with me then she has to get some professional help so that for my peace of mind there will be no repeats of her violence.