As much as I want to believe there's any such thing as "future relationships" for me, I can't because it's not me and will never be.

I'm not limiting myself nor closing down for future business, if you understand. It's just, I don't really believe in society's way of seeing love and what it means. I understand why many decide to search for new partners and move on like that, it's natural to them and the majority of society, but it's just not to me.

Yeah, I may be 21 and young and yeah I do have my entire life ahead of me, but I still only had one heart to give and I gave it all away at once.

As of just last weekend, a very nice guy tried to flirt with me and I didn't feel anything, he was really good looking and he seemed so kind and warm, but there's just nothing left for me to give. We did have a great conversation and we talked openly about our past relationships.

I do have a lot to learn and perhaps you're right, this was a lesson for me, but it came at a huge cost and I just wish I could change it. I'm not the same girl anymore, I don't suffer the way I used to, I don't close up as I used to. I'm way more open and I've learned to love myself and appreciate who I am.

But there's nothing more that I want than to have him back...