I could write a lot more about the situation, but to be honest I'm feeling too exhausted to explain and tell it all. Our family situation is different in many ways and no matter how many words I use they can't ever describe the true reality happening here at home.
Frankbtl, your words show knowledge and they breathe a lot of empathy. Thank you, hun! Reading your replies brought tears to my eyes.

My T has understood how difficult it is to change the situation and she's now using mindfulness and guided imagery to help me "land" and begin to dare feel. I'm so scared I'll fall apart and not be able stand up again.

The alone time just for me, is late at night when the others are in bed. I know... not the best thing... but I need it.