Hello MNCS: I'm so sorry for this terrible loss. And I'm afraid I don't have any words of wisdom to offer. Life can be, frequently is, so unfair, it seems to me... just a bunch of random accidents. I don't think your wanting the driver who caused this to be dead is evil or selfish. It seems to me it is a natural reaction to the horror he has caused.

Of course, the problem is you can't carry this kind of intense emotion permanently. One way or another you must come to a place where you can lay it to rest & go on. I hope you will have the opportunity to work through your feelings with a therapist. Therapy & time will both help you to accept this loss.