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Originally Posted by LearningMe01
I'm currently in the process of trying to "dig myself out" of the whole thing. Problem is, he's the first person I've felt this strongly about in many years. I have a deep affection for him. I can't quite figure out if it's real or if he's "done something" to make me feel this way. Head games or something. I've never been so frustrated/angry with someone, while still feeling like I'm in love with them.... .
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I've been where you are and I do have to agree, getting out of the relationship is really the most healthy thing for you to do. Before you get so involved that 'getting out' is almost more painful that staying.
I don't agree that N's can't love but what they perceive as 'love' holds none of the empathy that 'non's think of, when they feel love. The 'love' they feel is a reflection of what you show them, you believe. As long as you give them that view, they will keep you, but eventually, they WILL devalue you, and move on, gathering you back up only if they cannot find a suitable, or more exciting replacement. That sounds harsh, but it's clarity you need to accept.
And its not that they refuse to admit they don't need help with their world view (they, mostly, by a certain age are aware there is something a little off in the way they see life as apposed to those around them); they simply don't see that there is anything wrong with them or how they act around others.
The cliff-note on this is that what a person with NPD does is a defense mechanism built up over years, so for the most part how they treat other people is not intentional. That said, how they treat other people can be horrible, painful, and crazy making. So my advice is to get out, no matter how you feel at the moment. Yes, N's deserve to be loved (and its the very fact that they were devalued at an early age--either thru too much attention to what they could be rather than who they were, or extreme emotional neglect, among other childhood abuses) but unless you've already dug yourself into this, I suggest for you....just walk away. He won't make it easy, but later, it will feel impossible, and you will be wounded deeply.
I also suggest you go to the NPD forum (don't post, please, it is a forum for them) and read what is posted there. Several of the N's in that room will offer insight in their posts you cannot get in other venues....you may even recognize, from their descriptions of themselves and what they experience, your bf. Again, please don't post, but do read. It is an insightful forum and I think will better inform you of what you're facing or will face, than I could, or anyone could who doesn't have NPD.
Take care....