I can't take everything anymore.
I can't stand hearing voices. I can't even watch tv or listen to music because I hear them in the background. This is very new. I can't stand being so paranoid. My self harm urges are horrible. The only time I feel any peace is when I think about the world fading and knowing it'll all go away forever. No more hurting. No more noise. No more being scared. Nothing.

Hospitals are pointless. I fake and lie my way out. I even told them last time and I still panicked and lied my way out.

I feel like the world is crushing me and I can't breathe. My anxiety meds aren't enough at this point.

I feel like a joke. Sunday night, I was thinking about giving up. A therapist that I called on Monday finally called me back Sunday night. I thought it was a sign and someone would be able to catch me before I fall. It seemed too good to be true and it was. I wrote him a letter saying all this and more to give to him to ask him what to do because I don't know but I wasn't able to make my appointment and I've been crushed since.

I'm so exhausted. I'm so tired of fighting and trying. I don't know what to do. The only way I can see is death.