I've come to terms that I suck so much I'm worth more dead than alive. My life insurance would let my family pay off bills and have a better life. If I die my car loan pays itself off and then my mom would have a car she doesn't have to share.

But I'm still here. What has worked for me is I believe in an afterlife. I see no reason to trade one craptastic existence for another. I at least know this little slice of hell. What if what comes after is worse? Plus I don't know about you but I just am tired of hurting. I don't want to exist at all. If I still have to exist in some form then what's the point? Might as well stick with what I know even if my family would be financially better off. Who knows one day maybe they will find a cure for this.