Quote:
Originally Posted by seraphic
Something to consider: why does being "less of a man" matter to you? Why do you feel the need to be reassured about this? What is wrong with being weak and submissive? Is it a self-esteem issue? Are you afraid of being thought less of by your partners? By other men? I could tell you that enjoying different sex things doesn't make you more or less "manly", but I'm not sure it would be much help if you don't figure out/answer the underlying fear.
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Good point.
Yes, I think it's a self-esteem issue. I've been worried all my life because of my foreskin. Having a non-retractable one was a reason for me to feel ashamed of my own body. And although I got circumcised, I'm aware it takes time to get used to it. I don't expect (I shouldn't expect) overnight changes.
It's a self-esteem issue as it has a lot to do with the need to feel accepted, with the need to seek for validation in others.
I wasted many years in denial. Instead of grewing some balls and undergoing surgery, I focused in other so called problems, only in order to cover up the underlying real problem. It was being self-conscious and having a complex about my tight foreskin (the way it worked, the way it looked) what prevented me from getting intimate with anyone else. Yet, I would discard and ignore it and make myself believe I was shy or whatever. As I said, I wasted many years worrying about something that was not the real problem. I would spend eternal hours reading on-line about how to be more confident towards women, how to be an alpha-male and all that kind of stupid stuff. I even met a girl (over an on-line dating site) who would lecture me about how I should stop being whatever I was in her eyes and start behaving like an "alpha male".
(Funny thing, I was not sexually interested in her, but I thought she could have the answers I supossedly was looking for... And I don't mean to be rude, but damn, I was asking for advice from someone who was sexually molested during her childhood! Is there any wonder she liked "agressive and dominant alpha males" the best?)
So... Maybe it's a matter of lacking experience in the field, to put it somehow. I probably should start building my own point of view, not by asking others about what is wrong and what is right, but living out things directly, by myself. Of course, looking for support in here is a whole different ballgame, since I'm not asking others what is wrong and what is right, but instead questioning the need of asking such thing. Hope you understand.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SnakeCharmer
I don't know anything about the sexual culture in your country, TryingStill. In the United States, being on top is the preferred position of many women. They feel it improves their ability to orgasm because the position allows better clitoral stimulation during penile penetration than some of the other positions. Some women don't like it because they feel more self-conscious about their bodies in that position. In the USA, many men seem to prefer to have the woman astride them during intercourse. It can bring pleasure to both sexes.
If you like it and if the woman you are with likes it, then all is good.
In general, for both parties to feel comfortable and satisfied by the encounter it's important to learn to talk openly, honestly and kindly to your partner about what positions and activities you both want to engage in and what brings you both pleasure. That, more than anything else, will contribute to you being a good lover.
I am glad you have been able to resume sexual activity after your recent surgery. I wish you the best.
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I guess our sexual culture is not so different from yours. I've never been in the USA, though. All I can say is our country, in appearance, is as unhibited as any other country in terms of what you see in television, magazines and mass media. Yet, behind closed doors, I would say that we are very prude and, in sum, very hypocritical.
I could go on and on with this subject, but we are discussing personal experience in here, so...
None of the women I've been with had any problems with going on top. Or, I least, I cannot recall now that anyone refused or felt weird about it. All of them, as far as I can remember, seemed to really enjoy it.
What annoys me is what image of manhood I'm displaying, given that such image takes a principal role in a relationship. I mean... One of my worst and more dreaded fantasies is being in a relationship and dumped by my partner because she find someone who would have sex with her in more active postures, someone who would actually **** the **** out her brains. That scares me pretty much.
As a side note, it was me who put those *'s beforehand.
Thank you both for your replies.