Thanks Zinco! I am very uncomfortable in any social situation, always have been, and would have preferred to slink unannounced through the back door and sit quietly. The group was small and they were all very welcoming and made sure to address me individually, which is wonderful for other people but pure torture for me.

I have my own limitations, and I went in with a friend to bolster me, and I was still ashamed and embarrassed the whole time. I don't feel comfortable praying aloud, I don't feel comfortable touching strangers, and I don't feel comfortable having all the eyes in the room on me. I don't like admitting that I have lived over half my life in dysfunction, and that I repeatedly was a punching bag and an enabler for the men in my life that were not capable of caring for me the way I deserve. Even more shameful is that I brought up two children in that environment, and aside from physical and mental abuse, one of those men sexually abused my oldest daughter.

Even though NONE of those people know any of those secrets, I felt like I was judged and found guilty of my poor choices within the 1st five minutes of the meeting. "You can't control anyone but yourself." Something that is said to give comfort to people brought shame to me, and that is something that I have been working through on my own and with my T.

I feel like this group and this approach could be helpful to me later, when I'm free of some of my mental blocks. But last night just reinforced my poor opinion of myself and made me feel even more ashamed and disgusted with myself. Suddenly it didn't seem helpful. . .