I know it sounds like I'm simply making excuses when I give reasons as to why I CHOOSE () not to leave. There are so many factors involved that leaving could be just as damaging to me.

I've been homeless...in a homeless shelter. That was one of the worst times in my life. Wandering the streets during the day, no money, depending on others for everything.

I also have a sick dog...sick as in she has sores covering her whole body and after a year, the vet still hasn't figured out a way to treat it. I take care of her. She is my baby. No one is going to pay for her medications. My fiance can't take care of her on his own. And shelters don't allow dogs. Plus, I don't think I can survive w/o them. My dogs have saved me so many times.

I could go live with my mom. Problem is that it might be physically a safer environment, but it would actually be a worse environment for me mentally.

I was abused on a bus in my past and have panic attacks on public transportation now. My only access to my doctors is through my fiance.

But, you're 100% right: it's a choice. I'm just terrified of the consequences. Can I still survive with what I will lose? That's why right now I have to cope and somehow be able to care for myself.

And JaneT, I do love him...it's stupid, sad, pathetic, etc. And I do hate him. And yes, he could stop taking me to T, but he would suffer a lot of consequences for that from my T, Pdoc, primary, my mom, and probably even the police.

I just consider it sabotaging because he's the one who takes me to my appts. He's been letting me learn to drive again. He's allowing me to gain some independence and then he bteaks me down.

I'm sorry if I shouldn't have posted. I just feel so trapped and alone sometimes. My T and Pdoc try to do everything they can to help me. I just wish the non-professionals in my life would be more supportive.