Just remember that everyone here is on your side. I've never experienced exactly what youre going through and I'm so sorry you are in such a dire situation. You do have choices, you know that, you just have to be ready to make them. I'm sure he does love you(like you love him) but that doesn't mean it's a good relationship. There are many other people will love you, don't feel like there is only one person out there for you. You just need to build the skills and confidence you need to take steps to take care of yourself. Making phone calls are the best way to start. Other posters here have given great advice. I hope you fund the confidence and strength to leave him so that you can live the life you deserve.