I understand you believe you're a Narcissist but several of the experiences you relate sound more like anti-social...self-loathing or not. In any case self diagnosis while sometimes personally satisfying, can be problematic...dx from a psychiatrist is really the only way to be sure what's going on with you, whether you choose to seek help/therapy or not.
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Sometimes the opening of wings is more frightening than the challenge against gravity. Both make you free..............the secret is perception.
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