I am losing the battle with her.

It's been 2 months and she hasn't bothered me.

Now all I want to do is reach out to Matt, my former lover. We are both married, I know it's wrong. She keeps telling me it will be okay, that no one will find out. I know better, but I feel my internal fortitude waning.

Her fingers are creeping up out of the abyss and putting thoughts into my head that I just don't want to have. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to stop it. I have almost given in several times today alone.

Every moment of free thought is a battle and I am losing it.

I go to the doctor Friday, thankfully. I hope I can hold her off until then.

Any advice is appreciated.