(((((((((just))))))))) <----- lots and lots of hugs

you're right- i'm not qualified to diagnose you. wish i were, and could help ease your mind. but i'm still work on my bachelor's in psych! so i'm a LONG way from being qualified for that. i will say that it sounds very much like schizoaffective disorder to me, and given that you have been diagnosed with it before, that might be an accurate diagnosis. i'm sorry you are going through all this stuff. you definitely have a full plate to deal with.

you haven't scared me, and i don't think you're crazy. maybe it would help you to remember that you aren't the only one that has these kind of thoughts and fears. you really aren't! one of my uncles- one of the few who i actually LIKE- has similar kinds of ideas. only his sometimes get a bit more bizarre, bordering on a break with reality. you do not appear to have break with reality. just maybe a little paranoia. and, btw, i think some "paranoia" comes as a result of having survived abuse and neglect. i have a little of it myself, although probably not enough to be diagnosed with anything.

i really, strongly urge you to talk to your T about this. trust him. he seems to really care about you. and i do think it would be a good idea for you to get in that hospital!!!

take care, hon. (((((((just))))))))
Angela

-comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable-