I cycled pretty regularly so once I got stable on meds it was really hard to trust. especially in may when I would have my worst of the worst mania with psychosis. so anytime may would come around I would look at any little sign as certain proof that the mania was coming on again. I just could not trust that I was going to remain stable. I have been crazy to many years to think this is going to last. but the signs come and go with out ever hitting a full blown cycle. im sure it is going to take years to come to trust that the meds are going to keep me stable. take care.