Quote:
Originally Posted by Garrett90
Alright, it's been a while since I posted on PsychCentral, but I figured I'd update my scenario to an extent.
I've been with my boyfriend for over 3 years now and things have dramatically changed within the past year. He claims that he took our relationship as "serious" back in November and ever since, he's become a verbally abusive partner... Now the question is why? Things haven't always been great but why is there now a level of abuse? He claims that my personality is the reason for him calling me "retarded" and saying that I'll never amount to anything in life. He sometimes says that he's only with me because he "feels bad" for me. If that's the case then what was the purpose of staying for 3 years?
Now, I've attempted to leave on 2 occassions. I packed my bags and made a ditch effort to my parents' house... well... that sends him into an emotional frenzy. He will cry and cry and start puking all over himself to the point where I think he's going to change. And yes! I know! This sounds like a typical battered wife syndrome! Trust me... it feels like I'm being abused, especially when he doesn't let me leave the apartment. There's also "going to be a problem if you try to leave" and that makes me want to leave even more. But a part of me likes the sweet man that comes out of the angry tyrant and I keep kicking myself in the tush for it.
I don't know what my boyfriend really thinks or feels. I mean, he is bipolar and I'm not trying to generalize, but I can't see the truth because the messages change. It's almost like seeing the bright sun over my head and then suddenly it begins to rain and you're left wondering what just happened... I thought it was going to be a nice day.
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Regardless of whatever diagnosed illness he has, it's no excuse for such behavior. I know a couple people irl, with bipolar disorder, one in particular, a relative, wouldn't dream of behaving like this.
I'm not even bipolar and feel a bit triggered at there being more than one thread.
My exh has a comorbid condition with his bipolar disorder. One disorder, creates a rush of energy and a deep depression, the other condition, well, without a good dose of self awareness can spark rage, and a third suggested disorder leads to the inability to not stop certain thought processes.
A perfect trifecta of disastrous relationship patterns. I can analyze him, until the cows come home, and feel compassionate for his experience as a human being. Doesn't make my living with him, safe. With me, I heighten that experience for him, bringing out the best in him along with the worst. And when it's bad, it's not just very bad, it's very dangerous. Regardless of the lost little boy trying to get out, he's still like a wild animal left unattended and to his own devices.
I'm not into taking in wild animals anymore than I'm into rescuing those that are a toxin for me. He's not all bad, but it's safer to be separated.
Guess it just takes a shove down a flight of stairs and angry phone calls every five minutes for seven hours to accept a wake up call.