So, I was all ready to go into therapy tomorrow and talk with T about why I can't do this when it occurred to me that the reason it is so upsetting and dysregulating for me is I'm really worried about doing it right. And I have about 123 feelings and thoughts I want to right and they come out all jumbled up and I was thinking about it not making sense. And then I was rereading a book I love about writing by Natalie Goldberg, and looking at the Courage to Heal workbook and both had the same theme about doing times writing exercises and not thinking about or editing what your writing. So I set the timer on my phone and gave myself 15 minutes to write and then later on I did the same thing again, and I think I'm off to a good start. I guess I realized that this letter is just about getting my feelings out and not about something that anybody else is going to read.